SWEET NOVEMBER!!!

It all started when I realized I had this bubbling euphoric feeling on my inside... The sun never went down cos you lit my heart even at night fall. When it was dawn i was certain I love you this much...









I couldn't get my mind over you or what i felt about you. I think I had my feelings all muddled up or something but what i felt was real...

Maybe I needed a pill to get this strange feeling over with... but the only medication left was this capsule encapsulating tiny pills of love...





I couldn't tell day from night cos i was dreaming about you all day and looking forward to the next moment I'd be with you...








I work all day in a bid to raise as much as I could just to have you by me forever but for every bucks i made, your love outweighed it even more...






With every passing second revealing how much I need, miss and love you, I realized it had no regards of the changing tides...





I thought it was a mirage when I stood from afar. Coming close, I found out nothing really did change because time and time again i found my heart was perfect with you inside...







Blurry!!! The final picture may seem, but the mist and life's morning due gives way to the rising of the determined sun...







Dreams come true, but only those who dream would realize that moment when their dreams finally come true. A mile, two, three, a thousand away from where I am now... I can't really tell but I HAVE A DREAM!

I'M IN ℓ♥√ع WITH AN AIR HOSTESS

We were about taking off when she did τ̣̣ђё general safety ritual. Ȋ̝̊̅ couldn't care less anyway, I'd missed my flight τ̣̣ђё previous day so Ȋ̝̊̅ had my thoughts preoccupied.

We were on air when Ȋ̝̊̅ saw τ̣̣ђё air hostess talking with one passenger. She was tall, dark & beautiful but she was married (from τ̣̣ђё ring she wore) still her warm smile caught my heart's attention.

Ȋ̝̊̅ pushed τ̣̣ђё call button hoping she'll attend to ♍ε̲̣̣̣̥ but i† was this dark calm dude that came to ♍ε̲̣̣̣̥. Nice smile though but Ȋ̝̊̅ preferred hers . Well Ȋ̝̊̅ quickly asked for water ^_^.

There was a little turbulence & panic was gradually beginning to replace τ̣̣ђё conditioned air. Too bad τ̣̣ђё oxygen masks under the seats couldn't help.

Her team tried to keep a calm. Τ̣̣ђё captain said some things Ȋ̊ could only remember him urging everyone to please remain seated and ensure our seat belt was fastened.

Everyone obeyed but τ̣̣ђё hostess and her team. They didn't sit instead they were moving around ensuring everyone was "well bound", clearing the remaining plates and cups used by passengers.

Her team acted like nothing was happening. Ȋ̝̊̅ observed her smile didn't fade out either. She paused to listen patiently to anyone who beckoned amidst τ̣̣ђё turbulence. Ȋ̝̊̅ fell in  ℓ♥√ع  with her even more.

"She's been trained", Ȋ̝̊̅ said inaudibly. Ȋ̝̊̅ knew Ȋ̝̊̅ could do i† if she could, or if her team could. They kept i† intact till everything became normal.

They must have mastered τ̣̣ђё art of creating a balance from inside out, Ȋ concluded. In life, we experience such external turbulence - low on cash, irrational attitudes, crisis in relationships, jilts, bad habits... the list almost endless. 

Choose to be like an air host/ hostess, developing your inner strength enough to give you good composure when external factors set in. Τ̣̣ђё Holy Spirit does make a difference at life's turbulence.

LIFE IS INCOMPLETE...

Feelings sometimes are like armed bandits. They sneak on you when you least expect. There are some feelings you seemingly can't explain to persons who don't have a firsthand idea about what you're trying to describe.

If you've never lost someone really dear right in your arms, i bet you don't have an idea. It's the same for giving birth, you can never really understand what it means for your first issue to announce your fatherhood or your reward as an expectant mother as the case maybe.

Of all these very peculiar feelings, as an African in Africa, there's one feeling that is like catching a glimpse of a wishing star and remembering to make a wish. Sometime you get to experience it once or more, but it's certainly not a very often experience.

Other times you wonder if it has gone extinct with the difficult challenges we face everyday. That feeling if not experienced, then i'd say "life is incomplete". It is that moment when you are overwhelmed with that blissful feel and there's just one thing which follows...

It's the golden Tears of Joy - a treasure no one can take from you.

I'VE COMMITTED SUICIDE!

I felt as a child, prisoners are those behind bars. Τ̣̣ђё face of τ̣̣ђё man behind bars on τ̣̣ђё monopoly board that read "IN JAIL" seemed pretty sad and did get ♍ε puzzled.

Freedom to me was anyone who wasn't behind bars. I decided to act right in order to remain free. But with age for most of us comes wisdom.

Ȋ̝̊̅ could place accidents, illness, old age, wars, assassins, but not suicide. Ȋ̝̊̅ asked like most of you did, "why would anyone kill his or herself"? Knowing Ђδω hard i† was to as much as inflict myself.

Then I was introduced to heartbreak in my quest for ℓ♥√ع . Failure - too bitter a pill to swallow. Meals weren't 3-square, sadness gave me a cold pat. Death prove i† had a right to my ℓ♥√ع one and I had wailing to comfort me. Crippled by fear; I never knew life could be so uncertain.

Now I know τ̣̣ђё real imprisonment is not being behind bars of iron nor τ̣̣ђё shackles on our feet but τ̣̣ђё virtual ones created by τ̣̣ђё perception of our minds which is τ̣̣ђё probable culprit for most suicide (deliberately terminating anything precious) - taking your life, failure to believe in your dreams, lose faith in yourself, refusing to try again, inferiority complex, refusing to face your fears... Etc.

Never had this pure words made much meaning - People with their minds set on you, you keep completely whole, steady on their feet, because they keep at i† and don't quit. Isa 26:3 (MSG)

DEAD HORSES - Chronicle of the African Male.

I remember walking out of Aniyun Hospital, Ifako-gbagada, just behind Total Filling Station in Lagos. My Cousin Kayode helped me gently into the car. I asked him where my luggage was as I was told they would have to refer me to another hospital for the operation. I couldn’t seem to place what he was saying as the pill they gave me a few minutes ago seemed to take a toll on me. I fought to keep my eyelids opened…  That was all I could remember.

 Finally when I was able to open my heavy eyes, I felt this splitting headache banging the walls of my head. Squinting my eyes from the warm sun rays that passed through the window; I saw two white ladies in white walked pass. “Oh my God” I said inaudibly with great trepidation. My heart raced even more audibly than my aching head because I felt I had died and I was in heaven. He is awake!!! Another lady on white exclaimed.

“Oghene megwo megwo megwo, Jesu wekobiro [thanking God in her dialect] an elderly woman said. Then I knew this has to be earth, not heaven. I would recognize my mother in-law's voice anytime. She has always been very religious and passionate about her faith. She was held back by one of the ladies as she attempted running towards me. The white lady approached me. She gently laid me back to bed, as I struggled to get up. A black doctor came and told the nurse to allow me. I could recognize that by the stethoscope he had around his neck.

“Good morning Femi”, his deep voice seemed to echo with a warm dimpled smile. I’m Doctor Sesan and this is Christie Hospital in Manchester, not sure if you know. Since you arrived, you have not been concious and it’s about one week you’ve been here in this hospital. I was really puzzled. Before I could ask one of the thousand questions that came rushing into my mind, my mother in-law forced her way through. My son, my son, my son, thank God. “Doctor I hope he’s fine, hope everything is okay, I hope…” “Mummy he is fine, se gbo?” Doctor Sesan spoke softly patting her shoulder. “Mo gbo yin oko mi,mo gbo yin” [sobbing].

My mother in-law is God-sent. Ever since I lost my mother, she has been more than a mother to me. She barely even makes me miss my late mother. “Let me call your brother that you are awake. I would ask your wife Tega to steam the goat meat pepper soup and bring it down as soon as possible”. “Megwo mummy [as the Uroboh people usually greet, meaning I am on my knees] and sorry if I caused you much worry” I said with an exhausted smile. “Femi Femi Adefemi?” She called with a slight change in her tone, how many times did I call you? So ra yin o…” Doctor Sesan interrupted with a warm laughter, “mama the mama, no time for that now, thank God the operation was successful and he’s alive and well”. “Abi o, oko mi [my husband], you are right. I was able to laugh gently, knowing my mother in-law and her funny gestures. “He would be discharged in three days, so we can monitor his health” Doctor Sesan said as he excused himself with a warm smile. I heard him say “I’ve missed Nigeria” while he showed himself out.

Three weeks gone and it was the 1st of October, which happened to be my birthday. I was still in the UK with the rest of my family. What a remarkable day as it was the day Nigeria gained her independence in 1960. Plans were already made to host a good number of our Nigerian friends within the neighborhood. “Femi, Femi o” my mother in-law screamed. “What is it mama”, I said with a grumpy look. “Tega’s water has broken o” my mother in-law exclaimed.” Jeeeeeeeeeeez!!!” I exclaimed. I ran faster than my thoughts and drove straight down to Christie hospital which was not so far from where we resided. Like Doctor Sesan knew, he was coming out of the hospital’s entrance. “Sesan! My wife my wife” was all I could say. She was quickly taken in by a smart looking team…

After a couple of minutes, I was sweating profusely even at that time of the year. About an hour later, Doctor Sesan came out and told me, I have a set of triplets. What??? I screamed. I couldn’t tell how I felt on hearing the news. I dropped down on the floor. I actually passed out not being able to contain the emotional bliss. I was revived a few minutes later. I quickly rushed to see Tega. “Baby how are you feeling?” she smiled and pointed towards the lovely looking babies, all girls.

 I had more guest showed up later that evening than expected. A handful came for my birthday, others for the arrival of my children. Now I’m beginning to think whose birthday it originally was. It was my wife’s first delivery after ten years of waiting. The garage was filled with gifts cause there was barely space inside from human traffic. I excused Doctor Sesan to the pool side where no one could really see us and opened up my true feelings to him.

“Sesan” I called him in a broken voice; “I am finished. What do I do and where do I start from? I am 45 years today. Tega and I have known for over 15 years now. Every time she or any member of my family brought up the idea of wedding then, I would tell them what was the rush all about? That we are going to spend the rest of our lives together so they shouldn’t hasten me. I honestly wanted to have some more freedom. I felt marriage got lots of responsibilities and was not ready to deal with that. I said the future would take care of itself. Ten years ago when we finally got married, we’ve not had any issue till today. Retirement is at age 55 in the firm where I work. So in ten years’ time I would be out of active employment. No doubt I would be aging fast too. When I return back to Nigeria next week, what would I do? How much resources would it require me to raise three girls at the same time? I would barely even have quality time to spend with them owing to the fast developing society we are in. By the time they are in their teenagers season which happens to be a crucial moment in their lives, I would be like their grandfather. Then there's very little i can do or influence in their lives as at then. My fears are more than words can put together'. Doctor Sesan could barely say a word when I expressed my fears.

A day of bliss yet my heart drowns in overwhelming sorrow. Today is independence yet I feel enslaved by my past. The time I felt I once had, now slipping away – tick tock it kept ticking. Taking small strides one could barely notice unlike the minute and hour hand. Those little drops have turned into an overwhelming flood. If wishes, they say were horses even beggars would ride but of what good is it if wishes were dead horses? Not even the fortunate would be able to ride. Dark hairs slowly turning grey – now I wish I had married sooner.

BE ENCOURAGED!!!

We have no other help but you most Sovereign One.

Hence we look up to the hills from whence our help comes from. You have been our help in ages past, ever faithful ever true.

Sometimes our finances can’t take us through the next pay day. Other times our relationships with friends and love ones become too difficult to move from life's friction. In our frailty, we often get lost in thoughts when our next meal is but a thousand miles away.

Then should we lift up my voices to say... “For thou, O LORD, art a shield for me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. I cried unto the LORD with my voice, and He heard me out of His holy hill. For we do not have a God who cannot be touched with the feelings of our infirmities.  Thank you Father for I know if you care about the sparrow, I know you care for me”.

EVEN THOUGH I WAS ADOPTED!!!

I bet you’ll never know what it is to be adopted until you are.

Recalling when our naivety turned stale at the orphanage home…

It was the highway that introduced me to selfishness and competition.

The word ORPHAN aroused every form of disgust and bitterness in me.

A sad reality - I could barely face, wishing the stigma went differently.

From dusk till dawn, I starred at the golden ceiling fan in my new room, thinking.

It was my foster Dad on the door, with a warm smile He said “good morning”.

Speechless for the first few seconds, He came close and gave me a hug.

Told me to feel at home and that I had access to everything in the palace.

Years later, I felt I had grown old enough to embrace emancipation.

I was so ashamed while I was returning home, having left without notice.

Despising his royalty, He ran towards me like he did to my step prodigal brother many years back.

Tears filled my eyes when He said “I won’t love you any less cos you are my son”.

Even though I was adopted, I can boldly say what blessing it is to have God call me son.

DON'T CRY FOR ME

Huge white wings hovering over me.

I tried but couldn't awake to a more reality.

Soul slowly drifting, like the night on dawn's arrival.

Wish i could stay to comfort your aching heart.

Fears & worries, hurts & heartaches; now cold strangers.

Hush my beloved, hush and don't cry for me.

I'm shedding more tears than you even know it.

Drenched!!! Dripping in the pool of my own tears.

Don't cry for me my love, mine are ceaseless tears of joy...

...AND MY BETTER, BEST...

I wish we were holes!!! I really do wish we were all holes!!! Not glorified ***holes seemingly admirable yet our stench, unbearable from mediocrity & "good enough attitude" but rather, like holes on the earth.

Have you ever considered the earth's hole unlike other things which deplete when taken from, they increase? They become darker, deeper, wider, and more dangerous whenever you take from them.

I wish we were holes - drenched with determination’s sweat, oozing smell of productivity and advancement. Holes having thirsty wills in the driest of life’s desert, springing forth oasis of fruitfulness in no distant time.

Come against them with a fleet of mediocre armies & they’ll annihilate you with a handful of passionate peasants. Throw obstacles and challenges their way and they'll become bigger, stronger & fight even more fiercly.

Holes with just one creed: “until my good is better, and my better, best”.