…until our love makes no sense…‏

It was the last day of the Annual West Africa Marriage Seminar which usually features an interview of couples married for over 50 years.

Mensah and Ibironke have been married for 95years. Coincidentally, the interview was held on the same day of their anniversary – April 5th, 2015. The interviewer asked Mensah to share how he was able to hold on for so long. With a warm smile, he asked Ibironke to speak first.

Ibironke obliged with glitter in her eyes “after all these years he doesn’t surprise me. He puts me first in everything. I will share a few with you”. The crowd went dead silent with earnest anticipation to hear as she spoke softly.

“Mensah is very intelligent. He has won multiple Professor of the Year Awards across the globe yet he teaches the children on Sundays making everything plain as day to them. How he does it, I still can’t explain. I just believe he adds a bit of charm (chuckles).  Secondly, he has this daring faith that often produces results. We know the electricity situation in Nigeria is yet to enjoy stability lately, yet; for every time we needed power desperately and he prays in the name of Jesus, power is usually restored within 5 minutes. I tell you the truth and lie not. Finally, Mensah has warned me severally in time past not to leave the kitchen napkin on the cooker. I felt it was the most accessible place for me when cooking. One evening, there was a fire outbreak which got me trapped in the kitchen. He ran into the fire to rescue me. Suffering some severe burns whose scars still remain today to tell the tale. His love is simply beyond contest”.

The crowd was in awe and started clapping and cheering loudly. Mensah beckoned gently for the place to be quiet. Pausing for a minute while he gazed into Ibironke’s eyes, he said; “those acts doesn’t necessarily translate to my loving you. If they were, I would have been bankrupt. Like most husbands, I was hurt times when you insisted on having your way despite several warnings. I asked God to help me daily and to teach me how to love like He would. He showed me how he never gave up on me. How He served His disciples. How He kept no record of wrong by those who crucified Him. How He chose to ride on the colt of an ass, not exerting His authority on the people He created. That He has never for once repay evil with good but keeps praying for me every time I hurt Him”.

Mensah said on a concluding note “whenever I realize how much debt I owe God by dying on the cross for me, I knew nothing whatsoever you did could ever outweigh my transgression against Him. If He forgave me for all my sins and loved me when it made absolutely no sense with no guaranty that I will choose to love Him back - I discovered loving you extravagantly (not dependent on feelings) became easier”.

Beloved until our love makes no sense, we may not be able to achieve a fulfilled life of love as the length of any relationship is nothing compared to fulfilment. The secret can be summarized thus –

…we have three things to do to lead us towards that consummation: Trust steadily in God, Hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is Love. 1 Corinthians 13:13

Soap!!! No Forget to Wash your Body

If you attended a boarding school or better still NYSC orientation camp you may be able to relate when bathing or washing clothes or plates and the soap slips off your hands... The soap picks up dirt or sand (if it's not so tush like the one I attended) from the ground. You either throw it away as fresh students/corper or say beginning of 1st term because you still have provisions. Alternatively; you pick the soap and give it a good wash and then continue when visiting day is far or term wants to end or 'alawee' still far. Some of us have done both.

But I'm sure we don't use the sand to wash the soap rather we still use the soap to wash itself.

Some of us are like soaps. We do things for others, take care of them and make them comfortable and help them when they fall in the dirt of need which is good, but the down side is we forget to take care of ourselves. When we fall, we throw pity a party and sulk in our own dirt waiting for sands to come wash us. Not everyone is as nice as you.

This message is for all the good "soaps" out there. You also deserve a good bathe. Give yourself a treat. Be nice to yourself. Be your own hero. Pray for yourself. Spend time with yourself. Have your own "me time" & meet the needs of your own relationships/family also because, you may never love others better than you love yourself. 

...MADE OF GLASS...

What if our hearts are made of glass; whatever the color, size or state - good or bad; and everyone can see through it? Amazingly; only God sees the intent of every man’s heart at every time.

What if our hearts are made of glass & we don’t have to depend on tell-tale puzzles of words and actions? Amazingly; the mastery of hypocrisy makes the puzzle a mission impossible.

What if our hearts are made of glass & we embrace a brand new world were less words will be spoken to convince each other? Amazingly; words now have become insufficient for convinction.

What if our hearts are made of glass & we can see when it is cracked or broken and needs fixing? Amazingly, the presence of our bodies does not always signify our hearts are with it.

What if our hearts are not made of glass but our intents, words, actions and the unity of our hearts and bodies were? Amazingly amazing is what our relationships & society will become.

Not just to yourself but others... strive to be true.

Worlds and Opposite

Case: We learned words and opposite in our primary education. I realize today it cuts into everyday life. For example, we find ourselves amidst people and feel a shrill of loneliness. Other times, we are all by ourselves yet can't sleep because a lot is going on in our hearts and lives.

Antidote: Life is a battle of words. Let our words (convictions) be opposite to our worlds and we will find strength and resilience to rise above our mountains.

Action Step: Finding your words in God's word

Apartheid

Tender & mild - christened the bedrock 

Full of love yet susceptible to pain 
Throne for our wills
Gate of our emotions
Free yet costly to keep
A pillar yet prone to wander
Transient yet worth dying for

Our hearts, Our hearts!

...my last song...

If this was my last day, I'll spend it loving the beginning of life without end

If this was my last moment, I'll relish planting a smile in the depth of your heart

If this was my last dance, I'll let the beats fade holding your hands

If this was my last tears, I'll shed them smiling so you also have a reason to smile

If this was my last piece, I'll end them saying how dear you are to me

If this was my last song, I'll sing amazing grace that saved a wretch like me.

Little Bird

Little bird, back when I was much older

I delighted in your green square wings

Fastened to the sides of your white trunk

Avians envied your peace and abundance.

Little bird, again I beheld your reflection

Scrambling for food amidst the dirt

An eagle strutting amidst the cocks

Seeking relevance you learned to crow.

Little bird, shake off the rain-drench

Listen to the sound of the beagle

Cast a shadow on the face of the earth

If you keep hiding, no one will seek.

Little bird, I'm much younger now 

Towards the sky I fix my gaze 

Making the clarion call to everyone

All at attention but you at ease.

Oh Nigerian flag! listen to the wind

Spread your wings and soar so high

Surpass the zenith of past glory

Beyond the heights of the African dream.

THE ESSENCE

Seeing You – Like the spring of April, my heart throb blossoms

Touching You – Like strumming an acoustic guitar, unfading melody

Smelling You – Like a freshly cut rose, simply sensational

Hearing You – Like sweet symphony, when you call my name

Tasting You – Like nectarine, when I kiss your tender lips

You are the essence and epitome of my senses - my wife, my life.

...feelings for you...

Hark! The one thing I can’t seem to contain is you

I feel so excited and elated about you

My world stands still for you

Nothing here on earth is as important as you

My most treasured gift is you

If I live for a thousand years I want to spend it with you

My world is so beautiful because of you

Spark! I feel like standing and dancing for you

Any chance to tell anyone about you

Love has never been as sweet without you

Defining love in life, I’ll simply say you

I can't contain the joy I feel for you

The day of your birth; God smiled on you

Sonorous melody of my love, thanks to you

Ethereal! Nothing illustrates love better than you

I thought ice-cream was sweet until I met you

Plantain or sugar-cane is no match beside you

It’s the taste of nectar when I kiss you

My indulgence is what I’ll call you

How can I even be myself without you?

Oh my darling wife, It is you or you or you.

RED: TALE OF THE TEMPTRESS

Knock Knock! Knock Knock! I knew who it was but I paid no attention to it.
It took a snap-slap to knock me off my transfixed stare into the abyss.
"Oh it was nothing serious I told my buddie" when he asked where I was.
Lost in lust, my mind held no restraint to its sail - having a piece of her that was left.

Daddy Daddy! Daddy Daddy! Their voices echoed one after the other with drowning excitement.
Sooner their voices reverberated in silence, overshadowed by tiny snores.
My cute princesses - they wanted to have their night-dance routine but got ignored again - 1 week.
The grotesque on my wife's face was as a puzzled Pandora box.

Thump Thump! Thump Thump! My heart raced when she walked into my office at closing hours.
Startled, I watched her motion towards me with fixed gaze just like I imagined.
Unbuckled! The first, then second and the third button... Day 1, Day 2, Day 3...
My wife found out but spoke tear streaked silence... Night after night; sniffs and sobs my lullaby.

Day 365, Day 366... Alone in my grave emptiness - wife, triplets even temptress, all at bay!

BLUE - TALE FROM YESTERDAY

Are you out of your mind? Leaving??? I yelled hoping he never did... 

Today I replay that moment every night for the past 6 months

I feel like strangling her every time I see her: forgiveness a distant mile away
I dine in my sobs and eat gravel-bread of bitterness - I pray for grace to let go
The “over” word still hurts knowing he later got married to my best friend.

Taking a bow...

Mild, yet a wild beast I dread; devouring its prey without even a growl
Tempted to choose hell as against battling the attempt to make my life a living hell
Of what essence or what gain if I'm to die while trying to make a living
Bills to pay boss to face, striving hard yet, a victim of being singled out
How much is the cost of my joy or what can I exchange for acceptance?

Wishing there was a miracle...

It wasn't her birthday yet she was trending on my BBM contacts
Every single update I saw triggered an outburst of rage and tears
Show yourself you coward, I dare you to come as a man - fist for fist
You showed no known signs during our courtship, nor honeymoon
Now the snitch that you are, you came for my wife and unborn child - Cancer.

YELLOW: TALE OF THE TIDES

That fateful night when life's eyes shed two streams of separate tears.
The beauty of one was bringing you to life and anguish of the other which was taking hers
Streaks of salty fluid made its path on you; partially washing her blood stains off you
Your shrill subdued her quiet sobs as she made her way to where you came from.

Caressed by the pangs of excruciating pain and her fleeting breath
Echo of her joy was reverberated while holding closely to her bundle of joy
Genetics successfully passed her charming dimple-traits from her cheeks to yours
Such beauty to reproduce oneself on exit only to suffer the gift of a day's sight.

Rays from the sun hit my pupils, accompanied by warm tears to cool my hurting eyes.
Separated by 6ft between two worlds where she lay I recount the story of her.
On this side dear one, today can be life, wealth, joy but tomorrow; no guarantee - nothing.
Like the rise and fall of the tides, life can't be too fair or cruel is just what it is.

BROWN – TALE OF TWO RIGHTS

Walking into their house, I got welcomed not even by a short-changed pleasantry… At first I thought it was a video shoot but I saw no cameras on set. I asked for an explanation.

Femi: She pays attention to everyone and everything but me and still has the guts to say she can’t share me anymore… Madness!!!

Tega: All I've ever done is to encourage him to be better'. If that’s a crime, is better I take my leave (in tear-patched voice).

Femi: She always makes me feel inadequate. Do more, you can be better... I think of that and drive myself even harder but she doesn't seem to appreciate my efforts. I'm sure she has always wanted someone better.

Tega: I boast and brag about him in the face of my family and friends out there. Getting home I try to encourage him to be better but what do I get? He shuts me out. I can't be second to anything or anyone.

I took their hands, pulling them together. I said our greatest fears often times tend to drive our greatest desires or pursuits. Most men are at their lowest when they sense the vibe of inadequacy. Most Women on the other hand is likely to push the distress button at the scent of threatening insecurity.

Tega don't make him feel inadequate and Femi, don't make her feel insecure.

A crystal clear communication is what you should work on as you never get so much out of accusations. 

Just like two wrongs; two rights don’t always make a right.