DEAD HORSES - Chronicle of the African Male.

I remember walking out of Aniyun Hospital, Ifako-gbagada, just behind Total Filling Station in Lagos. My Cousin Kayode helped me gently into the car. I asked him where my luggage was as I was told they would have to refer me to another hospital for the operation. I couldn’t seem to place what he was saying as the pill they gave me a few minutes ago seemed to take a toll on me. I fought to keep my eyelids opened…  That was all I could remember.

 Finally when I was able to open my heavy eyes, I felt this splitting headache banging the walls of my head. Squinting my eyes from the warm sun rays that passed through the window; I saw two white ladies in white walked pass. “Oh my God” I said inaudibly with great trepidation. My heart raced even more audibly than my aching head because I felt I had died and I was in heaven. He is awake!!! Another lady on white exclaimed.

“Oghene megwo megwo megwo, Jesu wekobiro [thanking God in her dialect] an elderly woman said. Then I knew this has to be earth, not heaven. I would recognize my mother in-law's voice anytime. She has always been very religious and passionate about her faith. She was held back by one of the ladies as she attempted running towards me. The white lady approached me. She gently laid me back to bed, as I struggled to get up. A black doctor came and told the nurse to allow me. I could recognize that by the stethoscope he had around his neck.

“Good morning Femi”, his deep voice seemed to echo with a warm dimpled smile. I’m Doctor Sesan and this is Christie Hospital in Manchester, not sure if you know. Since you arrived, you have not been concious and it’s about one week you’ve been here in this hospital. I was really puzzled. Before I could ask one of the thousand questions that came rushing into my mind, my mother in-law forced her way through. My son, my son, my son, thank God. “Doctor I hope he’s fine, hope everything is okay, I hope…” “Mummy he is fine, se gbo?” Doctor Sesan spoke softly patting her shoulder. “Mo gbo yin oko mi,mo gbo yin” [sobbing].

My mother in-law is God-sent. Ever since I lost my mother, she has been more than a mother to me. She barely even makes me miss my late mother. “Let me call your brother that you are awake. I would ask your wife Tega to steam the goat meat pepper soup and bring it down as soon as possible”. “Megwo mummy [as the Uroboh people usually greet, meaning I am on my knees] and sorry if I caused you much worry” I said with an exhausted smile. “Femi Femi Adefemi?” She called with a slight change in her tone, how many times did I call you? So ra yin o…” Doctor Sesan interrupted with a warm laughter, “mama the mama, no time for that now, thank God the operation was successful and he’s alive and well”. “Abi o, oko mi [my husband], you are right. I was able to laugh gently, knowing my mother in-law and her funny gestures. “He would be discharged in three days, so we can monitor his health” Doctor Sesan said as he excused himself with a warm smile. I heard him say “I’ve missed Nigeria” while he showed himself out.

Three weeks gone and it was the 1st of October, which happened to be my birthday. I was still in the UK with the rest of my family. What a remarkable day as it was the day Nigeria gained her independence in 1960. Plans were already made to host a good number of our Nigerian friends within the neighborhood. “Femi, Femi o” my mother in-law screamed. “What is it mama”, I said with a grumpy look. “Tega’s water has broken o” my mother in-law exclaimed.” Jeeeeeeeeeeez!!!” I exclaimed. I ran faster than my thoughts and drove straight down to Christie hospital which was not so far from where we resided. Like Doctor Sesan knew, he was coming out of the hospital’s entrance. “Sesan! My wife my wife” was all I could say. She was quickly taken in by a smart looking team…

After a couple of minutes, I was sweating profusely even at that time of the year. About an hour later, Doctor Sesan came out and told me, I have a set of triplets. What??? I screamed. I couldn’t tell how I felt on hearing the news. I dropped down on the floor. I actually passed out not being able to contain the emotional bliss. I was revived a few minutes later. I quickly rushed to see Tega. “Baby how are you feeling?” she smiled and pointed towards the lovely looking babies, all girls.

 I had more guest showed up later that evening than expected. A handful came for my birthday, others for the arrival of my children. Now I’m beginning to think whose birthday it originally was. It was my wife’s first delivery after ten years of waiting. The garage was filled with gifts cause there was barely space inside from human traffic. I excused Doctor Sesan to the pool side where no one could really see us and opened up my true feelings to him.

“Sesan” I called him in a broken voice; “I am finished. What do I do and where do I start from? I am 45 years today. Tega and I have known for over 15 years now. Every time she or any member of my family brought up the idea of wedding then, I would tell them what was the rush all about? That we are going to spend the rest of our lives together so they shouldn’t hasten me. I honestly wanted to have some more freedom. I felt marriage got lots of responsibilities and was not ready to deal with that. I said the future would take care of itself. Ten years ago when we finally got married, we’ve not had any issue till today. Retirement is at age 55 in the firm where I work. So in ten years’ time I would be out of active employment. No doubt I would be aging fast too. When I return back to Nigeria next week, what would I do? How much resources would it require me to raise three girls at the same time? I would barely even have quality time to spend with them owing to the fast developing society we are in. By the time they are in their teenagers season which happens to be a crucial moment in their lives, I would be like their grandfather. Then there's very little i can do or influence in their lives as at then. My fears are more than words can put together'. Doctor Sesan could barely say a word when I expressed my fears.

A day of bliss yet my heart drowns in overwhelming sorrow. Today is independence yet I feel enslaved by my past. The time I felt I once had, now slipping away – tick tock it kept ticking. Taking small strides one could barely notice unlike the minute and hour hand. Those little drops have turned into an overwhelming flood. If wishes, they say were horses even beggars would ride but of what good is it if wishes were dead horses? Not even the fortunate would be able to ride. Dark hairs slowly turning grey – now I wish I had married sooner.