"Give me another chance, I'll be better for you. I'll give
you anything, I mean, if there anything beyond everything, I'll give you if you
just stay with me. I've loved no other but you please don't close the door of
your heart towards me. I'll be empty and broken if you go away. I don't even
know if I'd be able to love without you..."
That was my very lines when Steven called it quit. I gave
him my heart and my body and with that breakup, he almost took my soul along. I
feel this hole inside and I don't know what I can do to fill it up. After Steven,
there was Femi, Chinedu and Ahmed. They gave me money, good clothes, bags,
shoes, phones... Ahmed even bought me a car but I feel even emptier afterwards
as none of those things could make me feel complete. I'm still searching for
the right one...
Jacob
I have heard my folks say repeatedly I must not end up like
my neighbors children. To me, these guys had it all. They did anything their
hearts wanted. They hold a party every weekend in their house that attracts all the
prettiest girls in town. I never thought I was missing anything at
first as my parents could afford anything I wanted. I have gone to the top ten
countries for vacation repeatedly. I'm friends with several senior citizens -
Governors, Senators, Ambassadors etc. sons and daughters. We either attend the
same schools or we happen to see where we spend the holidays. The ladies tell
me I'm a really nice guy but that's pretty much about it. I feel so unwanted
and unloved. I'm caught up in the "nice guy's" dilemma and I know I'm
done with it. I really want more and I'm searching for the right one.
Angela
I was shortlisted for one of the girls considered to
represent my state on campus. They took us to a hotel where the first screening
was to be done. I have never been in an aircraft before. It was like what we see in movies; a fleet of SUVs drove into our hostel to take us straight to the
airport that evening as we were going with the 8:45pm flight. A girl coming from a
very humble background celebrated in this fashion? It was not even a dream come
true. How could I even have such dreams when my dad only owns an okada. We only
had an opportunity to ride with him once every six months because I had 5
siblings and each get the biking privilege monthly, making it twice a year.
After we returned from the first stage where I overall first and got a deal for the national
pageant screening; my classmates could barely recognise me. I changed my
hostel to a private one outside campus. I did not even pick a single thing from my former
room. To me, I was done with that life and nothing was going to take me back there. I
first sent N30k to my family. I had earlier told them that I got a job
alongside my studies. It was like Christmas came early in July. I can remember
the joyful expressions on their faces. I really looked forward to being the one who will
sustain that joy in my home. From N30k to N50k then to N100k but by then, I was
doing private pageant for those who could afford to pay. My family moved to a
new apartment by December of that the same year. It was the best Christmas we had since
I became aware of the celebration.
For the first time in 2 years, I did not send any money home. My folks felt so uneasy. It was like they had never experienced not
having before now. My mother told me, I couldn't afford to stop and whatever I needed to do
to keep the money coming in, I had her permission. Sadly it was just when I decided to be done
with that life, mom's pressure won't let me make a clean part as I don't want to be responsible for them to go
back to the slum. Who will help me? Can't someone decent just come into my life so all
these can change?
2 years after, I was done with my NYSC program when I met Jacob. He told me
I was beautiful and that I was his delight. He assured me no one could ever take my
place in his heart. Those were the most beautiful, sweet and kind words I heard the 30 years of my life. Could he be the one I've been searching for?
Jacob
I just turned 37 years and my eldest son is 4 years old while
the other one is 2 years old. My 5 years old marriage feels like 2 decades.
My wife and I have tried to make the experience beautiful and evolving but I
feel tired already. I wish I was not known in my church, I would have filed for
a divorce. I feel I'm missing something. Maybe I did not choose rightly. I
imagine every other lady being better than my wife sometimes. She has become so withdrawn to everyone including me. I've tried to help her deal with her past but it does not last for long. I know I had a part to
play looking for love in all the wrong places in abid to belong by all means. It's either I live with it or leave the church. I'll keep low for a while then part ways with her. My attempt to be better for her makes it worse. Maybe we are not good enough for each other as it appears. It's tiring to imagine getting back into the vicious cycle of searching for the right
one as against being the right one.
